Asparagus wine Part II

Sarah says:  I'm still unsure about this wine.  It's just so different.

Speaking of things that are different, Liam... let me back up a minute and say that I have debated back and forth a lot, trying to decide if I want to blog about this or not.  It's one thing to put my own thoughts and struggles on the Internet.  It's one thing to put silly stories of my kids on the Internet.  But, putting my kids struggles out there, that's questionable.  My goal here is to put the facts, but hopefully nothing that will one day upset my kids.  

So here goes, as I mentioned in my previous post, Liam had some struggles over the past year in school.  Those struggles led to some uncomfortable conversations, which led to several doctor visits, which led to loads of testing, which led to a conclusion. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013 - diagnosis day.  Liam has been diagnosed with ADHD.  Oddly, it doesn't feel like a diagnosis, it feels like a label.  Why are people so judge-y?!  It seems to me that people have a misunderstanding of ADHD, and to be honest, I did to.  Over the past month, I've done a lot of reading and learning, and I'm here to clear the air a little.  I am by no means trying to be an expert.  I'm just beginning to graze the surface of the issues that are involved here, and although I have a treatment plan ready to go, I haven't started it at all (waiting for the school year to start!), so who knows how it all will end up playing out.  Here's what I know:

Myth:  All little boys have a little bit of ADHD.  Wrong.  I admit that that was one of my first reactions too.  True, lots of little boys like being active, and don't like to sit still, that doesn't mean they have ADHD.  Less than 10% of kids actually have ADHD.  And while I believe that number should probably be a tad higher because I'm guessing that several kids go un-diagnosed, it's not something every little boy has.    

Myth:  ADHD is just a behavioral problem.  Wrong.  ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and it's a brain-based disorder that usually affects children (although it can impact adults too!)  It has the word disorder right in the name, it's a legitimate medical issue that is recognized by medical professionals.  It's also a lot more than just the inability to sit still.  It includes difficulty paying attention to detail, difficulty staying focused during a particular task, inability to listen when spoken to, inability to follow through with instructions, difficulty organizing activities, a dislike of things that require continuous mental effort (ie, school), easily loses items, easily distracted by noises or objects, forgetfulness... and the list goes on and on.

Myth:  Poor parenting causes ADHD.  Wrong.  I can't even... the words won't come out right... this just makes me so freaking angry!  I'm not really one to toot my own horn, but I'm a good mom.  There isn't a single part of me that thinks my parenting style has anything to do with this.  However, I do realize that my parenting style needs to be adjusted to his particular needs.  I'm still in the process of learning how his brain is wired to work, and how it's different than mine.  Understanding that will allow me to encourage him to be the best that he can be.  For now, it's all about patience.  For starters, I realize that he cannot remember a series of instructions, ie. Put on pjs, brush your teeth, pick out a book.  This has been a struggle for me, I would constantly give him things to do, and be so angry 5 min later when he'd be playing in his room... still naked.  So, I've adjusted, first, we repeat it over and over (I feel like a Dora episode all the time!).  Then I draw it out on a dry erase board so he can refer back to it.  Then, I check in with him every few minutes to make sure he's still on task... leaving him on his own is necessary to develop independence, but leaving him for too long is just setting him up to fail.  Poor parenting does not cause ADHD.  But, a parents willingness to accept, learn, and adjust can make the world of difference.

Myth:  Kids with ADHD will become one of those "Ritalin Kids".  Wrong.  First of all, for anyone out there talking negatively about a kid that's taking Ritalin, please stop.  We hear you, it's unbelievably rude and unnecessary.  Taking Ritalin for ADHD is like taking Tylenol for a headache.  For the right person, it's absolutely necessary.  Others however, would prefer Advil, or Excedrin, or taking a long shower and taking a nap.  There are several treatment options for ADHD.  There are several types of medicines that may work, but a series of behavior therapies may work too.  There is a lot of trial and error, and communication between all parties involved.  But Ritalin isn't as bad as some people make it out to be, so parents, stop acting like your kid is better than another just because some are taking some meds and some aren't. 

Myth:  Having ADHD means your child isn't smart.  Wrong.  ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence.  Actually, kids with ADHD are often extremely smart, but they struggle in school because the structure of the day doesn't work for them very well.  Figuring out how Liam best learns will be critical to his success throughout school.  I'd like to point out that Thomas Edison had ADHD and flunked out of school.  Don't be surprised if Liam turns out to be a genius inventor!

So that's where I'm at.  We're learning about our options, we're getting Liam all the extra help we can, we're distancing ourselves from those that think having ADHD makes him weird, we're debunking myths, and we're being the best parents we can be.  I'm not an expert on this disease, but I am an expert on Liam.  I know that he is freaking awesome, hilarious, sweet, smart, caring, loves animals, cares for the environment, idolizes spider-man, handsome, loves to draw, ride a bike, and play hide-and-seek.  All that knowledge, combined with everything I'm now learning, gives me the ability to make the best decisions for him and us as a family.  And that's all I can do.  That and continue to love him like crazy!

Asparagus wine update:  Yes, it does seem to give you that famous asparagus pee smell.