Remembering that day

Sarah says:

I'm not drinking tonight.  First, because I don't want you guys to start thinking I'm an alcoholic.  Second, I just don't feel the need.

All that thinking about the corn in the ear last week and how I felt like the worst Mom in the world for making Liam suffer for that long, got me thinking about my true “worst Mom day”.  Sure, there have been stressful days that my patience was running slim and I yelled at the kids, when I probably should have taken a few deep breaths instead.  Or there’s been those days when I just didn’t have the energy to play games and be creative with them, so I let them watch TV for hours.  There’s also been the crazy, over-protective, shelter my kid days, and I look back and think that I should have let them just live and learn.  Those seem like nothing compared to this one day.

  

They were this old!

My truest “worst Mom day” was Sunday, April 25, 2010.  The worst day ever, I will never forget it.  Liam was 2 (well, it was 1 week before his 3^rd birthday, but technically he was still 2!), and Mary was about 15 months.  It was the early afternoon, Jon was working, I had taken the kids to Target for a quick trip (but since it was Target we probably spent more time there than expected, which means Liam had some pent up energy).  We got home and I got Liam out of the car, (he sits on the side closest to the door) took him right inside the door, and told him to take off his shoes and go potty while I got Mary out.  I went back to the car for Mary (so now I’m on the side of the car farthest from the house door), pull her out and our things and go back inside.  I start putting things away and call for Liam to come to the kitchen for a snack.  He doesn’t respond, but I figure he’s playing somewhere.  A few minutes later I call him again.  No response.  One more call to him, and one more silent response.  So I go looking for him, in all the usual spots, his room, the playroom…. then I start checking the unusual spots, our bedroom, various closets.  No Liam.

At this point, I’m starting to panic.  I opened the door to see if he’s in the backyard, and I immediately see his tracks from his wagon wheels going down the driveway.  Adrenalin sets in and I take off down the street faster than I have ever run in my life.  I actually see him two blocks away turning into the park entrance.  I scream at him to stop but of course he doesn’t hear; he’s happily pushing his wagon around when I finally catch up to him.  I rush over to him, pick him up, plop him in the wagon and get back home asap.

I cannot explain the feelings that rush through you when your baby is missing, even if it is just a couple of minutes.  It's absolutely, without a doubt, the worst feeling ever.  It’s terrifying, your stomach completely drops, and you start shaking.  Even worse than the moment were I didn't know where he was at all, was the moment where I saw him enter the park, but I coudn't see him.  What if something happened to him in those few moments before I got to him.  I'd never forgive myself.  I was so close to him, yet I felt so far away.  And then those feelings when you see that they are ok, it’s overwhelming.  I’m not sure I can even remember it all.  I know I cried… a lot.  I know I yelled at him, kissed and hugged him, told him I loved him, and then yelled at him some more.  Then I probably cried some more. 

BUT – that’s not all that happened that day.  It gets worse.  Liam isn’t my only kid.  Remember Mary, yeah, so she’s all alone at home the whole time I’m out getting Liam.  I know leaving a 15 month old home alone isn’t exactly suggested, but when your 2 year old is running down a main road by himself, (yes, main road, we don’t live in a subdivision, we live on a busy main road), crossing streets to get to the park, you kind of forget about following the rules.  So, I get back home, open the door, and there’s Mary, standing there, in a pile of glass.  Somehow one of the dining room chairs fell backwards, hit the window, shattered it, and she’s just standing there in it.

Seriously, Worst Mom Day ever!  I was still trying to comprehend what just happened with first baby, and now I’m dealing with my second baby in danger.  I quickly scoop her up and get her and Liam into another room so I can figure out what to do.  I think I called Jon, and cried.  Eventually, I cleaned up the window, taped a big garbage bag over it until we could get it fixed.  Then I just sat with Liam and Mary and held them tight for a while. 

I’m pretty sure how it all happened.  When I was on the other side of the car getting Mary out, Liam snuck out the door and into the back yard to get the wagon.  When I went inside, he took off down the driveway.  As for Mary, she was at walking age, but still falling and grabbing onto things to save her.  She probably toddled into the dining room, but started to fall so she grabbed onto a chair to stop herself, which caused it to fall backwards and break the window.

I realized later how lucky I was, I really believe God had his hand in how things worked out for me.  It happened to have rained earlier in the day.  The driveway was dry, but the grass was still wet.  Liam took his wagon to the park, the ONLY way I knew he left the house was by the wagon tracks going down the driveway.  Had it not rained, the wheels wouldn’t have been wet, and those tracks would not have been there.  Also, the fact that Liam took his wagon at all was a blessing.  Those tracks also allowed me to know which way down the driveway he turned (thank God he turned and didn’t go straight!), otherwise I could have headed in the complete wrong direction.  Also, I happened to see Liam about 2 seconds before he turned into the park entrance.  Had I wasted anymore time looking for him around the house, I would have missed that, and wouldn’t have known how far to run (because those wagon tracks dried up just outside the driveway).  I had just finished loosing 20 lbs. and had picked up running about 6 weeks earlier.  6 weeks earlier, I couldn’t have run to the end of the corner, let alone sprinted to the park.  Mary was 15 months old, a very curious age.  Once the window broke she didn’t move.  She didn’t walk, she didn’t touch anything, she didn’t put anything in her mouth.  Mary is always walking, running, falling, touching, eating.  The fact that she chose that 5 minutes to refrain from any of that is beyond me.  That window could have seriously injured something.  I should also add, that I also find it quite amazing that Oscar didn’t get hurt or lost during any of this.  99.99% of the time when I would walk through the door, he'd come running and follow my every move.  This was the 00.01% that instead of doing that, he choose to just lay on the couch.  He didn’t run out of the house, he didn’t examine the broken glass, he just sat.



And now they are this old!

Babies in danger = worst feelings ever.  In those moments everything else seems so insignificant.  I cannot imagine what I’d do if something serious happened to either of them.  They are my world, every single decision I make somehow involves me thinking about how it will impact them.  Moments like that also make you realize how special life is.  It’s way too precious to waste.  There is a quote by Oprah that I love, “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”  I’m trying to live by that more often, especially around the kids.  It’s very easy to get stressed out with them, but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, let go, and enjoy the moment.  It could all change in a moment.  I keep that day in the back of my mind as a reminder.

What day will you never forget?

Ugh… remembering all those emotions is exhausting, maybe I do need wine!

J.W. Morris Moscato

Description on the bottle:  Our California Moscato provides succulent Muscat flavors with peach and floral aromas without cloying one's palate.  Relax and enjoy this light Moscato with your favorite dessert.

jon says: there is nothing like sitting down with someone you love after a long day and sharing a glass or a bottle of wine together. before i even open the bottle i already see something i like, a tab that allows me to open the bottle easier then trying to figure out a houdini magic trick. another big plus is real cork, i feel like the rubbery corks are fake and cheap. now down the the actual wine. at first taste, it was so sweat i thought i might go blind. i would not recommend this wine to a diabetic. but the further down in the glass i get the more i like it. 

Sarah says:  haha... Jon, I think it's funny that you mentioned the excitement over the real cork.  That is very telling about the quality of wine we are buying.  My brother-in-law today was telling me about some great wine, but then mentioned that it was somewhere in the $35-$40 range.  I just laughed.  We are wine newbies.  $10 is an expensive bottle for us.  Maybe eventually we'll get to those better wines, but first we have to suffer through these.  If anyone feel the need to support our cause by purchasing better bottles of wine for us, feel free!  We'd be happy to blog about it!

This wine is crazy sweet and fruity.  My first sip I was blown away with how fruity it was.  I'm not sure what it means to "cloy one's palate", but I think mine was cloyed.  It's so strong!  It tastes more like juice.  I think this would taste good with an angel food cake.  That cake isn't too sweet, and tastes pretty good with fruit, so this could be used as a fruit substitute.

Once I read that this should be enjoyed with a dessert, I went and took 2 bites of Liam's leftover birthday cake (I was hoping to get the full experience here).  That was pretty tasty.  I'm not sure if it helped me enjoy the wine, but I certainly enjoyed the excuse to eat some more cake!  Speaking of Liam's birthday.  We had a successful 5-year old birthday bowling party.  It was fun, but exhausting.  Good or bad... I like ending today with a glass of wine.

Overall:  Indecisive thumb

Water

Sarah says:

Water generally tastes best ice cold.  The water in this bottle is a little on the warm side, not quite room temperature, but close.  Thus, it's not very refreshing.  I would not recommend this water.  I hope to add some ice before continuing to drink further.

Overall: Thumbs down

Have you ever had one of those days where you drink and drink and you just can't quench your thirst?  That's me today.  I just keep downing the water, yet I'm still thirsty!  I don't think I've done anything different that would cause me to need more water than normal.  It's weird.

It's kind of like being a parent.  I can try and try to be perfect, yet it never seems to work out the way I'd like.  

About 3 weeks ago, Liam mentioned that he put some corn in his ear.  Of course I freaked out, but he quickly changed his story to say that he tried to put some corn in his ear, but it came back out.  So, I let it go.  Over the course of 2 weeks, we had several conversations about if there was or was not in his ear, if it did or didn't hurt, where the corn event did or did not happen.  Liam's story changed daily.  I've never wanted to be the Mom that goes to the doctor for every little thing, so we didn't go.  Plus I didn't want to spend $35 for them to tell me there is nothing wrong.  In my defense, I did call the doctor, and they told me that I would definitely know it if there was corn in his ear, there wouldn't be this wishy washy attitude.  They told me not to bring him in unless it was obvious.  It wasn't obvious, so I didn't take him in!  Well, 2 weeks later, I was getting concerned about the fact that we were still having the same conversation, and his pain started to seem a tad worse, so I decided it was time to go in.  I wasn't convinced it was corn in his ear, but I thought maybe there was something in there bothering him. 

So, Jon takes him to the doctor.  Turns out, there was corn in his ear!  This whole thing makes me weak.  The idea of having something hard and poking the inside of my ear for weeks makes me crazy.  I probably would have lost my mind.  Extracting this thing wasn't easy.  The doctor tried a few methods, but was unsuccessful.  So, they sent them to a ENT guy that tried a few things, and was unsuccessful.  Liam was crying, screaming, and fighting it all too much.  So, they brought out the ultimate torture device.  They literally tied him down to a board so he couldn't move.  Liam screamed bloody murder, but after lots of poking and prodding in there, a popcorn kernel was removed.  Liam got a serious talking to about the dangers of putting stuff in your ears, got a sucker, and was sent on his way.  Please note:  Mary was there and watching the whole time.

Of course this whole thing makes me feel like the worst Mom ever.  Jon wanted to take him in sooner, it was my decision to keep waiting.  We are so lucky no damage was done to his hearing.  Would have made all that stuff we went through with the tubes in his ears as a baby seem like a waste!  All was well in our world again.  I didn't hear the words corn or ear after that.... for about 5 days.

So, here we are, about a week later, and Mary starts telling me she has corn in her ear!   Her story is a little scattered too, first saying it's in her ear, then she put it in Liam's ear.  Overall though, she was pretty much sticking with there is definitely corn in her ear.  Well, I wasn't about to make the same mistake again, so Mary went to the doctor the next day.  Turns out, I spent $35 for them to tell me there was nothing wrong.  She has a little dried wax in her ear.  I'm mad.  I warned Mary before hand that I was going to be mad either way.  I'm mad that I took her there for nothing, and that she lied about the corn.  If she had corn in her ear, I'd be mad that she copied after seeing the drama that Liam created.  So, she really couldn't win.  Mary asked for a sucker as we were leaving the doctor.  I did not let her have one.

It's so frustrating.  With Liam I tried to be the calm, non-crazy, Mom and it backfired.  With Mary, I tried to be protective and concerned, and it backfired.  This is why I need wine.  I can't wait for this need for water to be finished so I can get back to the wine!

What's your worst parenting moment?

Gallo Pinot Grigio

Sarah says:

Don't get me wrong, I know this is by no means a good wine.  But I can't resist the tiny bottles they come in.  I really enjoy having a glass of wine in the evening, usually after the kids go to bed.  It's a nice way to end the day and helps me relax.  But I feel like opening a whole bottle of wine is a waste.  There's no need to open a whole bottle for one person to have one glass, when they've come up with these tiny, single serving sized bottles!  This wine is pretty sweet, but that's just how I like it!  Don't worry, I class it up by putting it in a glass.

Overall: Thumbs up.

It's the convenience of these bottles that I enjoy more than the wine itself.  There are lots of things that I like just for their convenience.  I know there are better, maybe cheaper and healthier, versions out there, but these are just so darn convenient that I can't give them up: jarred spaghetti sauce, shredded cheese, disposable diapers.  These items are so easy to use, I can't imagine any other way. 

Sometimes, however, the convenience is also the cheapest and best option: direct deposit, Google.  I have no idea how people lived before the convenience of these things.  Doing research must have been awful.  And having to go to a bank and wait in line, gasp! 

Of course, there's the items that are supposed to be convenient, but end up being more of a nuisance: cell phones, computers.  Phones going off in meetings, creating car accidents, annoying.  And, I'm pretty sure I have the slowest computer ever, such a time waster. (Not that I would consider giving up either of them!)

Lastly, there are those things that have a convenient item available, but I prefer the old fashioned, do it yourself way: salad, oatmeal, reading books.  Salad is cheaper if you do it yourself, oatmeal just tastes better and doesn't really take that long, and a book isn't a book if it's on a screen!

Here is my number one thing that I just cannot wrap my head around why people use the "convenient" version.  Car Washes.  First of all, I get several free car rinses a year from mother nature.  Car washes never get my car all that much cleaner than that does.  There is always a few spots that require scrubbing.  By the time I get out the bucket of soap and water to scrub it, I might as well just do the whole car.  Plus, my kids think washing my car is great fun!  So why on earth would I go pay $5 for a 5 min car wash that doesn't really work, when instead I can do it myself, probably for cheaper if I actually calculated the cost of the squirt of soap and few gallons of water I use (sure, I like numbers and all, but I'm not lame enough to calculate that out), gets better results, plus quality time spent with the kids.  In my mind, there is no other option.  Turn on the hose, get a bucket, soap & sponge, and start washing. 

Jon might disagree, but for now, it's me, my glass of wine, my thoughts.

What's your favorite, or least favorite, convenient item?

I forgot, one more reason I love these little bottles!  They really provide me with about a glass and a half, the perfect reason to have just a little more.  It would be silly to leave a half a glass of wine.  Time for a refill!

Beaujolais Nouveau Part II

Sarah says:

I'm still not a giant fan of this wine (or all red wine for that matter), but I guess finishing this bottle is just a sacrifice I'm going to have to make.  Jon doesn't have another day off until Saturday and I don't want the bottle to sit for that long and get funky.  (I'm not sure if it will get funky in 5 days, but I don't want to take any chances, I'm just going to have to drink tonight!  I live a tough life.)  Speaking of Saturday, Liam (our son and the oldest of our two) is turning 5.  Sniff sniff, where has the time gone?!  5, I'm pretty sure that officially makes him a kid.  We survived baby, toddler, & preschooler.  After kid is tween... oh my, I need more wine.

Anyways... I was going somewhere with this... ah yes, sacrifice.  Since we are blogging as a couple, why not talk about couple type things.  What a better topic than sacrifice.  If anyone has had a marriage without sacrifice, I lift my glass to you (literally), but I'm pretty sure most relationships involve a lot.  For me, I sacrifice a lot, I repeat, A LOT, of sleep for love.  Jon works nights, I get home around 5:15, just in time for a quick summary of the day (example: "How was your day?  Good, yours? Good.  How are the kids?  Good, they had a snack, peaches, at 4:00.  They are downstairs playing right now.  Great." Kiss, hug, out the door.  It's awesome. (My fingers are crossed tight that this won't last forever, but right now, it's our reality). Jon is out the door by 5:30 and gets home, depending on the day, on average, around 2:00.  When he gets home, he goes to sleep, and gets back up sometime around 7:30.  In theory, that means, I should be getting a lot more sleep than him.  Right.

What that really means is, I'm in charge of all night time activities and bedtime.  (That also means Jon is in charge of day time activities, but that is a blog for him to write!)  That also means, if either kid isn't in the mood to go to bed, I deal with it.  If either kid is sick in the middle of the night, I deal with it.  If someone needs to go potty in the middle of the night, I deal with it.  If someone gets scared of the dark, I deal with it.  If someone needs a drink of water, I deal with it.  If someone has a bad dream, I deal with it.  If someone can't find their teddy, I deal with it.  If someone suddenly wants to tell me a secret at 2 am, I deal with it.  If someone decides to wake up early, I deal with it.  If someone is hungry in the middle of the night, I deal with it.  If someone just wants a hug and snuggle time, I deal with it.  It's odd, my kids have been sleeping thru the night for years, but I can't remember the last uninterrupted night of sleep I got.  It also means, I wake up every night around 2:00 to ask Jon how work went.  We have some of our best conversations laying in bed in the middle of the night because it's the only time we aren't rushed.

So, that's my sacrifice.  I loose sleep, a lot of it, so Jon can have the job he loves, and get what little sleep he can.  Do I get tired and cranky about it?!  Um, yes!  Is it worth it?  Of course.  Eventually, at some point, they are asleep, and I get to peek into their rooms to look at their beautiful, sleeping, faces.  I watch them breathing, the up and down of their tiny bodies, and the fantastic facial expressions they each make.  I never leave those rooms without a smile on my face.  It's absolutely, without a doubt, my favorite part of the day.  They are so happy and peaceful and perfect.  I wouldn't give that up for any amount of sleep in the world.

  Sleeping princess

What do you mean he's turning 5?!  What happened to my kid who just falls asleep all sprawled out?!

That's it for me tonight.  My wine glass is empty and my body is tired.  What's your sacrifice?

Beaujolais Nouveau 2011

Description on the bottle:  "The 2011 Beaujolais Nouveau is here! Refreshing, fruity and perfectly balanced. Nouveau is best served chilled with friends. The wine is youthful lively distinctive and fun just like the original artwork created by NY artist Mr. Kaves to celebrate it release. Art in any form is a means to express yourself, you culture or to make a statement. So raise your glasses to the spirit of Nouveau and Make a Statement!"

The first problem we noticed is, we weren't drinking with friends.  We'll work on that and do better next time.  But we did have some awesome Jet's Grilled Chicken pizza.  Yum.

jon-first my lips was tingly, then my mouth felt warm and THEN MY MOUTH WAS ON FIRE!!! although it could have been the crushed red pepper on the pizza we were eating. if it was the wine then at least it had some life to it. I honestly think there is nothing special to this wine. i didn't hate it and it wasn't awesome. i would buy another bottle but i will finish it.

Sarah - The first words out of my mouth were "yeah, I really don't like red wine".  That is pretty much still my final conclusion.  It kind of hits you in the back of the throat, and stays there, all yucky.  I enjoyed all of Jon's commentary while drinking.  His "hmmm.... I think it's making my mouth feel warm" and "it feels very processed, purified" (did you want it to have floaties?)  :-)  

Overall:  Thumbs down